57 Weeks Pregnant

Today has been a day that has been plagued with reminders everywhere of how long our wait has become.

First, I had a hair appointment and I think, AT LEAST, the last two times I've seen my hairdresser, I've left telling her that "next time", I'd have pictures of my girl.  And, at the time I said it, I just knew that I would...both times.  As she was asking me about it today, I found myself unable to confidently even go there.

Later, I got home and received a phone call on our home phone.  I didn't recognize the name on the caller ID but it turned out to be someone from our home study agency calling to talk about the upcoming expiration of some of our paperwork.  (Sigh!).  I shared with my mom that it felt much like the day that I stood at my OB's office 40 weeks pregnant with Jordan.  My doctor cheerfully said, "see you next week" (remember, I was ALREADY 40 weeks pregnant....and miserable), and I burst into tears.  The last thing that I wanted to do was "see her next week".  I really just wanted to be done.  (He was born six days later, by the way....and not because he was ready).

After that, I was chatting with a fellow adoptive mom and she and I were discussing the fact that there is now another rainy season looming in our future.  As you might recall, courts close for rainy season in Ethiopia (which is typically from sometime in July or August to early October).  During this time, NOTHING happens with adoptions in Ethiopia (well, actually, you CAN still get a referral during rainy season....but I rreeaallllyy don't want to still be waiting for a referral at that point).  Thankfully, that's not just right around the corner.  However, because court dates and embassy dates seem to be taking longer, it is a concern that if we don't get a referral soon, we could be held up by rainy season AFTER receiving our referral.  Or even worse, after traveling for our first trip and going to court.

In addition, we are once again discussing summer mission trips that Jeff and the boys had hoped to go on but, at this point, it is so hard to know what our life will look like or if, at that time, it will be feasible for them (as far as the adoption is concerned) to travel to Mexico.  Deposits are due and decisions need to be made but, again, we feel as if we are in limbo.

I'll try not to make feeling this sorry for ourselves a habit.  I'm typically fairly successful at remaining positive...but today's another day and I feel like I'm 57 weeks (the number of weeks we've been waiting) pregnant and miserable.