I didn't take the time to look back but it seems as if it's been a while since I've done one of these "While We Wait" posts.
Aaannnddd........
I think this blog is needing something a little less heavy than my last few posts; so as I was thinking of what I'd like to post, it occurred to me that there are two things that I've been a little obsessed with lately.
The first is a song by Mandi Mapes titled "This Love". It is a song written about adoption and is just the sweetest tune. I've listened to it, oh, several DOZEN times.
The other thing that I love to do is look up adoption videos on You Tube.
SO....it seemed just perfect when I went to look for the video of the Mandi Mapes song and, BONUS, found an adoption video that had the song playing in the background.
Enjoy.....
Oh, by the way, tomorrow is the beginning of a new month which means that, soon, we will receive another monthly wait-list update. I highly anticipate that we will stay in our current spot on the wait list and, for now, I am okay with that. I don't LIKE it. But I'm okay with it.
There have been times during the adoption process that I have claimed to be "weary" in the wait.
Let me just go on record now as saying that that was (unintentionally) a complete lie. This past week, I experienced an all new "darkness" as it relates to our wait.
Let me fill you in.
First, the obvious.
We've been waiting for a referral for almost 14 months. A process that we were told, in the beginning, would take 3-4 months. Did you "hear" me? It's been 14 months (!!!) and we haven't even been matched with a child.
In addition, some of you may have seen my Facebook posts, etc. about a little boy in Korah named Abraham who needs a life saving heart surgery. A local surgeon had agreed to do Abraham's surgery and we have been waiting for the hospital to approve his case. Last Wednesday, we received word that his case was denied.
Though I was already struggling with some heaviness regarding the wait, it was this news that seemed to launch me into what some may call a major league pity party.
In addition, on Monday, as I was (internally) already struggling, Jeff voiced a question that, to be honest, I had already been thinking about but hadn't said out loud. Hearing it spoken, seemed to make it that much heavier: "At what point do we start to consider that God is closing a door?".
And, so, with that conversation, turmoil set in in my heart and I spent the next several days constantly on the verge of tears; questioning myself and God's plan.
On Friday, someone posted this song, which helped begin to settle my heart.
And then on Sunday, as our worship service began, my heart immediately began to be ministered to; first through the music and then through the message. We are wrapping up the book of Ruth and our pastor's message spoke directly to my heart as he reminded us of how Ruth had become so bitter that she referred to herself as "mara" and asked others to do the same.
Like Ruth, I had spent several days in a place where all I could focus on was the negative circumstances that seemed to surround me. And, to be honest, I didn't want to NOT be bitter. But several moments into the message, my pastor said something about "God's silent sovereignty" that got my attention. I then wrote the next things that he said in my notes:
God has not abandoned us.
He is up to something good.
ALWAYS. His invisible hand of providence never disappears in your life.
The King of Kings is plotting and working.... always! For your good and His glory.
(These are all things that I know, by the way, but I was blinded by my bitterness.)
He used a great visual that I think we all can relate to. If you have ever done or seen cross stitch, needlework, etc. you know the mangled mess that the back side of a great piece looks like. We can spend our days viewing the piece from the back and wondering about the mess that it is; but, someday, when you turn it over and see the right side, you will see and know that a beautiful work has been done.
This is true of our lives too; of situations in our lives; of our adoption story. There are times, like last week, when I choose to look only at the backside of the tapestry that He is weaving (the circumstances, the wait, the frustration, the longing) and see nothing but a mess. And then there are times, Praise God, that I am reminded of the great work He will do, is doing and has always done in my life and I am, once again, able to see beyond the mangled mess of the "back side" to the beautiful tapestry that He is weaving.
Today has been a day that has been plagued with reminders everywhere of how long our wait has become.
First, I had a hair appointment and I think, AT LEAST, the last two times I've seen my hairdresser, I've left telling her that "next time", I'd have pictures of my girl. And, at the time I said it, I just knew that I would...both times. As she was asking me about it today, I found myself unable to confidently even go there.
Later, I got home and received a phone call on our home phone. I didn't recognize the name on the caller ID but it turned out to be someone from our home study agency calling to talk about the upcoming expiration of some of our paperwork. (Sigh!). I shared with my mom that it felt much like the day that I stood at my OB's office 40 weeks pregnant with Jordan. My doctor cheerfully said, "see you next week" (remember, I was ALREADY 40 weeks pregnant....and miserable), and I burst into tears. The last thing that I wanted to do was "see her next week". I really just wanted to be done. (He was born six days later, by the way....and not because he was ready).
After that, I was chatting with a fellow adoptive mom and she and I were discussing the fact that there is now another rainy season looming in our future. As you might recall, courts close for rainy season in Ethiopia (which is typically from sometime in July or August to early October). During this time, NOTHING happens with adoptions in Ethiopia (well, actually, you CAN still get a referral during rainy season....but I rreeaallllyy don't want to still be waiting for a referral at that point). Thankfully, that's not just right around the corner. However, because court dates and embassy dates seem to be taking longer, it is a concern that if we don't get a referral soon, we could be held up by rainy season AFTER receiving our referral. Or even worse, after traveling for our first trip and going to court.
In addition, we are once again discussing summer mission trips that Jeff and the boys had hoped to go on but, at this point, it is so hard to know what our life will look like or if, at that time, it will be feasible for them (as far as the adoption is concerned) to travel to Mexico. Deposits are due and decisions need to be made but, again, we feel as if we are in limbo.
I'll try not to make feeling this sorry for ourselves a habit. I'm typically fairly successful at remaining positive...but today's another day and I feel like I'm 57 weeks (the number of weeks we've been waiting) pregnant and miserable.
We received our monthly update today and our family is currently, officially, #2. However, the family in the #1 position is currently on hold as they have just completed an adoption from the DRC (which sorta kinda makes us #1). They are unable to accept an Ethiopian referral for 6 months. So....unless it takes us 6 more months to get a referral, no one is ahead of us (if it does take 6 months, that family will go back "in front of us" and are waiting to adopt a 0-4 year old girl). At this point, it's more a matter of a child that fits our parameters coming into care in one of our agency's facilities; people past us have been and can continue to get referrals ahead of us because they are waiting for a different age/gender child.
My hope is that this is the last monthly wait-list update that you ever get from me. : )
I'm a day late but I'm linking up to Kelly's (over at Kelly's Korner) Show-Us-Your-Life Friday link-up where the topic of the week is adoption. If you're visiting from Kelly's little corner of the world wide web, WELCOME!
I'm thinking a fun way to catch you up on our story is to highlight (by linking you to) a few of our favorite posts. So, here goes:
Thanks again for dropping by and PLEASE feel free to email us at movedtomove@gmail.com if you have questions about adoption, in general or any part of the process. I love to share my heart and what little knowledge I have on the topic.
Within our agency, things on the referral front have been pretty quiet of late. As you will recall, we didn't move on the wait list at all from the first of December to the first of January. And, even since then, things have been disappointingly quiet.
Until Friday.
We learned, on Friday (1/18/13) that FOUR babies had been matched with their forever families. There was so much excitement on our agency's FB page (and just on FB in general as many of us have become FB friends).
Let me catch you up to where we are and how these new referrals affect us.....
(Official) Wait List (as of 1/1/13)
K Family - Doing a concurrent adoption in the Democratic Republic of the Congo / waiting to bring home their son from the Congo / unable to accept a referral from Ethiopia until he has been home for 6 months.
H Family - I have become friends with this Mom and we spend a lot of time FB chatting, trying to encourage one another (along with family #5's Mom too) and keep one another "off the ledge". : ) This family has been waiting for the referral of an infant girl.
Williams Family - THAT'S US! - Remember, we are waiting for the referral of a girl, age 2 to age 6.
Unknown family
H Family - One of the other Mom's that I now consider a friend. Waiting for the referral of an infant girl.
Now.....on Friday, the families shown above in the #2 and #4 positions received referrals for baby girls. In addition, a sweet family who had the unfortunate experience of losing a referral also got a referral for a baby girl and a family further down the list got a referral for an infant boy.
So......based on this, the top of the (unofficial; only because the new official one won't come out until 2/1/13) list is looking like this:
1. Williams Family - that's us!
2. H Family (formerly #5 above)
3. G Family
(The K Family listed above as #1 is still on hold. Our agency may consider us #2 but we know we're really #1....wink, wink, smile).
Technically, because of our age parameters, we have been at the "it could happen any day" status for a while but, can I just tell you that things feel different lately? Like it really COULD happen any day.
And since we're so close and because so many have asked, I want to take a moment to explain what's happening next.
What it is, at this point, that we are waiting FOR is a phone call from our agency saying that they have an available child that meets our parameters. Our adoption coordinator has her own special ring on my cell phone so the moment that call comes should prove to be REALLY exciting.
When she calls, she will share with us the details that she has available and then she will forward us an email that will have copies of any paperwork that is available (birth certificates, medical records, etc.) and PICTURES! Because we have contracted with the International Adoption Clinic at Vanderbilt, we will promptly forward them any and all information for their review. They have 24 hours to get back to us with any advice, recommendations, etc. that they might have/think that we need to know. Once we accept the referral, more paperwork will be involved and our case will be filed with the Ethiopian court system. Once we are granted a court date, we will make our travel arrangements and head to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia (where our daughter will be waiting for us in our agency's Transition Home). This will hopefully happen 4-8 weeks after "the call".
While we are in Ethiopia (likely for about a week), we will be able to spend time each day getting to know our girl; we will also do some sightseeing and plan to visit with our sponsor child, Teraku and my sister Ashley's boy, Kumalechew. One of our days will be spent going to court where the ultimate goal is to hear the judge declare, "she's all yours".
The most unfortunate part of this trip is that when it comes to an end, we will leave without her. She will remain at the Transition Home until the US Embassy clears her to travel (which can take several weeks to several months). There is nothing natural about that, so we could use your prayers (for us and for her) regarding this step in the process starting now. From there, we will wait for another call saying that she is cleared to travel. We will travel once more to bring her home.
It is our plan for both of our boys to go on one of the two trips; we aren't sure at this time which trip they will take. It will depend on timing.
Thanks for praying for us, for loving our family.....all five of us!
P.S. Other families with age/gender parameters different than ours could still receive referrals before us, of course. So, technically, we aren't necessarily "next" but it sounds/feels good.
Earlier today, I shared the following as my Facebook status. Thought I would post it here, for the record: One year ago today we were paper ready and officially placed on the waiting list with our adoption agency. I didn't think we could ever be more excitedly expectant than we were on that day, but now I know, these 365 days later that I was wrong. God has grown a love for her in our hearts and taught us so very many lessons about Him and about ourselves in this time. We're ready, God, whenever you are. What's funny is that as I was copying and pasting this status to post here, my FB friend and fellow Lifeline adoptive mom, April (whose family landed on the waiting list the same exact day as we did), commented that we actually had been waiting one year as of YESTERDAY (the 2nd). Apparently, I'm getting so good at waiting that I've lost track. By the way, April and her husband received their referral several weeks ago and are now waiting for a court date. Could you pray that their case moves along and they are able to travel soon? A new year is always encouraging. A fresh start. And I have to say that starting this new year with the promise that our girl will join our family in the coming year feels great. It has also been encouraging to reflect on the things that He has shown us during the wait; for the gifts that He's given us through friends that we've made with like hearts, and through the reminders from our dearest friends and family of the love that others already have for our girl.
