Almost exactly one year ago, I was meeting with my pastor regarding something completely unrelated but somehow I managed to incorporate a discussion about the struggles I was having with these convictions and how I wasn't able to get peace about it. He agreed to pray for me and mentioned a book that I might want to read (wasn't certain of the title at that moment but told me the Author's name....more on that later).
Several more months went by and I was still being pursued by God; only now I've begun to really apply the Word to the situation and I've stopped to focus on what He says and on what He expects. He's definitely beginning to break my heart for what breaks His....unlike anytime before. The statistics, they overwhelm me and I can't NOT do something about it. I am moved to the point that I can't look away; I can't NOT move.
Now, before I go on, I need to explain something. My heart does not long for another child. Jeff and I have two awesome boys. Following the birth of our youngest, we felt that our family was complete and that we were "done". This idea was not born of a desire to have more children. This fact is one of the things that confirms for me that this is "of God"...and not "of Kelley".
In all honesty, the more "real" this started to become (the need to move), the more anxious I started to become. After all, my life is easy. I no longer have diaper bags or carseats. Both of my boys go to school during the day and I am free to have lunch with friends, grocery shop alone and/or treat myself to a manicure. Besides that, we have big plans for early retirement, of years of traveling together (without children). Why would I want to even consider bringing another child into our home?
So, as you can see, though I have felt convicted by this, there have been times that I've tried to fight it. At some point, I realized that every single reason that I could think of for not adopting was completely selfish. Humbling.
To be continued......